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People I don’t Trust

•March 4, 2009 • Leave a Comment

1. People who back into parking spots: Seriously… I don’t get it. Backing into a parking spot is such a huge pain in the ass. You have to line up , get in, pull out, and straighten up like 10 times before you get it right. Its not like backing OUT of a parking spot is that difficult. Backing into a spot is about 5x more of a hassle than backing out. Which leads me to think: Where the hell are these people going when they get back to their car and why do they wanna get out so quickly? The guy at the gym that backs into his spot… is he planning on swiping a few of the bikes or an elliptical or two and wants to make sure he makes a quick get away? Hoe about the guy that backs in at the Baseball game… is he trying to make a quick drunken get away to elude the police and we weaves his way on home? I don’t like it… its fishy… and its illogical. I don’t trust em!

2. People who are taller than me: I’m a tall dude. I’m not LeBron or anything… but im taller than just about anyone you would see outside of a basketball court. So at 6’4 I a little skeptical of anyone I see that is taller than me. First of all… they are assholes. How dare they make me look up. Don’t they know that I’m used to looking DOWN on people and not UP? Seriously… I don’t like it… stop being so god damn tall… 6’4 is tall enough. Trust me.

2. Girls who wear Uggz that are out of middle school: I have to seriously question someone’s judgment who thinks Uggz are an acceptable fashion statement after you have hit the age of 13. These are the kind of people who are in graduate school and are still obsessed with Hello Kitty and/or go by Kimmy or Lizzy. I can see the commercial now:

“Hi, we’re Kimmy and Lizzy LLC, the coolest attorneys at law. Like you should totally gimme us a call if you like need to totally fix your traffic tickets. OMG Its like totally easy. LOL. For more information totally TXT “Hello Kitty rulez” to Kimmy or TXT “Bayside High” to Lizzy and we totally will hook you up.”

3. Guys who bring a milk jug of water with them to the gym: These are always the guys who have upper bodied that look like vintage Arnold and lower bodies that look like Keira Knightley. Guys… its ok to hit the leg press once in a blue moon. Secondly, why is a normal water bottle not enough? You never drink all that water. I’m watching… I see you. When you are finished working out you still have half that damn milk jug filled with water. Also, what is wrong with the drinking fountain? What the hell are you spiking your water with Barry? The Cream? The Clear? Horse tranquilizers? Color me skeptical!

4. Micro-Brewery that doesn’t have good french fries: This seems pretty fundamental to me: if you are gonna be making a beer that is worth drinking you better have good french fries. If you come packing with a limp soggy fry that is devoid of flavor… well then… I’m not touching your beer. Now good fries do not always mean good beer. This Micro-Brewery in college had good fries and all of their beers tasted the exact same. IPA, lager, Ale, didn’t matter. It just tasted like Foothills. But at least they got me to the point where I would try their beer… cuz they at least had good fries.

5. People who wear dress socks that don’t match their pants: Belt matches the shoes and socks match the pants. Its simple enough. So I am always befuddled by people who show up with dark socks on and light pants. What were you doing when you were getting dressed? Why did you not notice that you were throwing on blue socks and had one tan pants? One is dark, the other is light. Were the lights off and your room totally dark? Was the bucket of yuck you brought home last night from the bar still in your bed and you didn’t want to wake them up? I don’t get it. Brown pants = brown socks… and don’t gimme that “I don’t wanna buy a pair of socks for every color pants I have” B.S. If you have enough money to buy a pair of olive, black, brown, blue, and tan dress pants… you certainly have enough money to buy a pair or two of socks to go with each… and if you don’t… I don’t trust you.

My First Love…

•February 16, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I. Love. Baseball.

What is there not to love? There are few things in life as poetic as a perfectly thrown curve ball or as dramatic as a walk off home run.

Most people around the country and perhaps the world, were excited yesterday for Valentines day. But for a select few, yesterday was one of the most exciting days of the winter for another reason. Three simple words can express my elation:

Pitchers. And. Catchers.

Its a frosty 33 degrees outside and the bitter wind bites at your ears every time you go outside. But it doesn’t matter because its 70 and sunny down in Jupiter Florida and Chris Carpenter is throwing curveballs! I have endured the long winter of law school finals, the Rams, and putting up with my crabby roommate… but nothing can dampen my spirits today because it is officially baseball season.

People from outside Saint Louis really just can’t understand our love affair for baseball. This is not just a game, this is not just a sport, this is a religion. We pray at the alter of baseball and Busch Stadium is our Mecca. Our Holy Trinity is Musial, Gibson, and Brock.

And then there is our MVP. The Mang, El Hombre, Phat Albert, or simply just Al. Those who have never had the pleasure of watching Albert Pujols play in person cannot turely appreciate his greatness. We are watching one of the greatest baseball players who has ever lived right here in our own backyard. After a long winter and fresh off his second MVP award, Albert is back. Baseball is back!

So just remember that on this cold Sunday evening/Monday morning, no matter where you are, summer is just around the corner. Because  in Florida and Arizona the dog days of summer are just beginning!

Play Ball!



•February 13, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I had planned on writing about one of my oldest loves today… and I will get that a bit later… but for now, as I chill in the Omar Poos Law Library (I’m not kidding… its Poos library), I thought that I would to write about another old and resurgent love.

I’ve kind of been in a state in introspection lately. So, I’ve been contemplating a lot of different aspects of that crazy temptress we call life. One thing that constantly comes back to me is how the smallest of things, the most minute detail, can change life so drastically. Its almost cliche, but I’ve found myself saying, “If only the circumstances had been different”. Which leads us my old love…

I studied abroad in Vienna, Austria in undergrad. Miles away from the only life I had ever known, I was able to escape from some oppressive bonds and actually live. Life is a glorious thing when you slow down and see past the restraints of conformity. It is poetic. It is pure nature. For the first time in my life the veil had been lifted and I saw the world through my own eyes for the very first time.

Vienna will forever be like a second home to me, immer wieder wien, but it was nearly irrelevant to the week I spent in Paris over fall break with my best friend Drew. It wasn’t the city either. I have never been enamored with the aura of Paris. I was a wonderful city, but somehow for me it just felt… well overly pretencions. So I guess I should say that it wasn’t the city but rather the people in Paris that made it…

It was fall break and the weather in Paris was perfect. There is nothing as truly refreshing as waking up in the morning with a deep breath of crisp cool fall air. Its like breathing in pure life, pure energy. It is almost fitting that I woke up on a day like this when I first met a woman who has never been far from my mind ever since. She was one of Drew’s friends from his abroad program, an angel. The first time I met her I was totally floored and left breathless. I remember glancing around the room to make sure that no one had seen the look of total befuddlement on my face after we were introduced. It wasn’t her grace or her stunning beauty that blew me away. It was her eyes. After one look into her eyes I felt that I had somehow known her for years. Everything seemed right. I was at peace with the world and the world was at peace with me. I had a week to myself in Paris with the beautiful woman who that completely disarmed me with just one look. She had a little voice and big blue eye.

Drew and I stayed for drinks. She was quiet, she was shy, but every chance I got I would divert my attention away from the revelry. Every time I hoped to steal another moment of pure ecstasy. The moment we shared when I first shook her hand.

She remanded very elusive (and still is) . She calls herself little voice for a reason. My chance came over the weekend at a (for lack of a better word) sports bar in Paris. Opportunity struck when deciding what to drink. My angel had order something call Strongbow, which I had never had or heard of before. But I didn’t care. I was determined. I would have ordered cat piss so long as I could sit next to her and get her talking. A few seconds later, there I was sitting next to one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen with two pints in our hands and a pitch of Strongbow to share. It was perfect. It was bliss. Drew and the other girls were a mere inches away from us but it didn’t matter. We were in our own little world not to be troubled by the frivolous matter of the mundane world.

The hours flew by cruely fast, mocking us as the swiftly passed. Everything that happened then, and everything that has happened since has all be a by product of certain unavoidable circumstances. Miles, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, you name it, something was in the way. But to this day I am thankful for that night in Paris. For one wonderful, magical, intoxicating night she was mine and I was hers. No matter what has happend, or what might happen, we will always have that night. I will always remember the look on her face when I made her smile and how my heart would skip a beat when our hands would accidently touch on the bar…

“Oh last night I dreamt about her
And our bodies melt our minds
Her taste was so familiar
I say that I don’t need her but I know it’s a lie”


Album of Friends…

•February 12, 2009 • Leave a Comment

So this is something I have thought about for a while… and is pretty silly… but I’m gonna go thru it none the less. I’m sure all of you have songs, that for one reason or another, remind you of someone every time you listen to it. Maybe a song reminds you for an old elusive love that has always been out of your grasp, or a song on a video game that reminds you for the guys… or maybe some times you just have no clue. Anyway, I had an urge to write today… so this is what you get! G’s Album of Friends. (Just because we are still getting to know each other I am going to start off with two songs (both off the same album) that remind me of… well… me).

1. G:  Broken, Beaten & Scarred — Metallica, Death Magnetic
2. G: Unforgiven III — Metallica, Death Magnetic
3. The Guys (Brian, Matt, Lucas): It’s Me Snitches — Swizz Beatz, One Man Band Man

4. Drew: Summertime Blues — The Who, Live at Leads
5. Tracy: Only For The Night — Rx Bandits, … And the Battle Begun

6. Justin G: Don’t Tread on Me — Metallica, Metallica
7. Dad: Runnin’ Down a Dream — Tom Petty, Full Moon Fever
8. Brian: Blind — KoRn, Shoots and Ladders
9. Scott: Favor House Atlantic — Coheed and Cambria, Sweet Fucking Playlist
10. Chris P: Free Falling — Tom Petty, Full Moon Fever
11. Matt G: Blister in the Sun — The Violent Fems, Gone Daddy Gone

11. Tyler and Brian: Rise Inside — Killswitch Engage, Alive or Just Breathing
12. Lucas: Ignition (Rexmix) — R. Kelly, Snake
13. Scott: Heart in a Cage — The Strokes, First Impressions of Earth
14. Amanda: Last Night — The Strokes, Is This It?

Bonus Track — T-Rex: Spooky Girl Friend — Elvis Costello, When I was Cruel

That’s all I got for now. God damn LRW is breathing down my neck. I’ll be back with something a little less… well inside/intimate. Three word preview: Pitchers and Catchers!



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